Things Fall Apart…But Can They Be Repaired?
As many of you might have seen, Cyndy has not only left LFADM, but she left me as well. Her decision swift and without notice. She did it in the dead of night while I was away working in the Palm Desert, about 9 hours away from our home in Oakland. No note, no warning, just a room in disarray and a lifetime of memories scattered throughout the floor. I’m writing this while taking a break from putting back the room/studio. It’s chaotic state pretty much represents me at the moment. I’m still in a numb state of shock. I don’t know if I should be mad? I’m worried, I’m hurt, and most of all without my other half. I was coming home from a 2 week job away from home, excited to see my wife, and just got blindsided by a bit a personal crisis. Being the collateral damage of the whims of the one you care about the most…there’s just no words to describe it I guess. While the well wishes have been a bright spot, and a reminder that we touched people on a personal level. Those positive thoughts have kept me motivated, and I appreciate that. I really do. I’m sure Cyndy can see all these positive comments about how we effected you guys and she appreciates it too. All that aside, I’m still sleeping here, in place Cyndy a made home, alone. It’s just a cold reminder that she’s gone…
I’m not going to speak for why she left, but I will say it wasn’t because of any problems WE had. There were no physical altercations or infidelity. No long discussions/arguments that could’ve lead up to this. Just a childlike need to explore…I’m sorry that probably sounds like a backhanded statement, but bear with me here, I’m still reeling! But seriously, she’s on a mission of self discovery that she feels she HAS TO DO, and has to do alone, and I sincerely hope she finds what she’s looking for. Now will she want to come back? I don’t know. I really don’t. I found a bond in Cyndy that I’ve never experienced, and it was an intense relationship. For the both of us. From the music we played, to the way we approached our life, we went all out, and we were so dedicated to La Fin. Maybe too much? All this being said, I want her to find her peace. Love you Chicky.
A constant topic of conversation between the two of us was this new record. A record that we are both so proud of. We really got out of our comfort zones when we did this. I did A LOT of singing/screaming and even a lot of the classical instrument arrangements and instrumentals. Vocally Cyndy was so proud of her performance on this record. I just don’t know what to do from here. There are people telling me to get some people together, and keep doing La Fin. I don’t know if I can just keep on without Cyndy. This was our baby. Two broken people, that felt like societal cast offs, making emotionally heavy music and traveling all over the world to share it. I don’t know if I can recapture that passion with people that I would’ve have that intimate relationship with. Anyway, I finally cleaned up enough to get some of the studio back up. It took no time to bang out a few riffs…LIKE NO TIME. So I would love to do some collaborations if some of y’all are down.
Also, I really need to know, who wants to hear the new record?